belief

i suppose
i would have to believe
in some
words
in order
to use
them

in pursuit?

the softest thing in the universe overcomes the hardest thing in the universe. 

that without substance can enter where there is no room, hence i know the value of non-action. 

teaching without words & work without doing are understood by very few..
- tao te ching (no. 43)

In the pursuit of learning, everyday something acquired.
In the pursuit of the tao, everyday something is dropped.
less & less is done until non-action is achieved.
when nothing is done, nothing is left undone..
- tao te ching (no. 48)

insidious violence

violence: the exertion of force with the intent to injure (physically or psychologically) or destroy. -- paraphrased from wikipedia

this morning I awoke thinking of violence & how to address it in a meaningful way.. violence needn't be the extreme exertion of physical force that first comes to mind when when approaching the idea. violence is more simply the use of power to overcome some "other."

it may not draw physical blood from it's victims. it may only metaphorically drain the life's blood from them. it can be as subtle as the need to be "right" because in doing so, one must make the other "wrong." thereby diminishing the ego (material existence) of the "other."

violence is a device of the ego to exert itself & to make itself real by drawing a forceful distinction from some other. by destroying the other or overcoming it, I have now proven my superiority & indeed my existence!

contrary to the tone of this post, I am not necessarily opposed to violence when the situation deems it appropriate. instead I am proposing only that one be aware of the impact of violence in his or her life.

I am not faint to argue a point, or to throw a punch when called for.. & I relish the ability to do it the light of day more than under the cover of darkness & ignorance.

to exert one's ego in awareness is to be alive & extends the boundaries of consciousness from a distinct perspective. to unconsciously throw punches at some imagined other is akin to being undead, a lumbering, clumsy, sleep-walking oaf.

often times I catch myself attempting to be right & it brings a smile to my heart that my ego is still plugging away in the battle with it's own existence.. with as much energy as a two-year-old's tantrums.. pushing itself out and taking no prisoners as it goes! punching holes in the fabric of time & throwing weary carcasses thru them.. lol but now I am only waxing dramatic. :P

a haunting

I can't help but notice that someone I love is being haunted by death.
and it's not someone u might expect. it is someone very young and thoughtful and funny and bright and talented and beautiful. but death seems to follow him like a shadow.

I don't know if he has noticed it, or what he makes of it in his impressionable young mind. I won't use his name or make any direct reference. it is someone I see only infrequently, maybe a few times a year & even during those times i've noticed on each occasion, if the attention is too focused between us, odd things start to happen. he rides in my car and suddenly the automatic windows stop working and the door jams shut. on a second occasion the driver's side front tire blew and flew off completely! these things happen separated in time & only when he visits.. I don't believe in coincidences so the occurrences struck me as odd, but then I realized how frequently people around him & especially close to him have dropped dead from sudden heart-attacks or brain hemorrhages, or other peculiar sudden natural circumstances.

I do not feel he is in any way to blame, don't get me wrong.. quite the contrary. he often suffers most directly from the losses. it is as if death uses his bright shining hopefulness as bait for life's weary travelers whose time has come. it is tragic & extreme almost to the point of comedy.. I don't know if anyone else has noticed this except me. no one who knows me that well reads this blog, and I dare not share this little insight.

I am sometimes given to.. I don't know what to call it.. I will use the word premonition for lack of a better word.. but I think in this case the better word is insight, and I know what I see goes beyond what people call coincidence without giving away too much detail..

*sigh* what does one do when someone you love dearly is being haunted by death? ha! the answer is nothing.. but continue to love him. it is not as if the boy's dark spectre of a friend can be shaken off by any of us.. but I am not too keen on riding him around in my car any more than necessary. :)

on relating

so on this idea of relationships.. now I am focusing not on relationships as static concepts, but on relating as a dynamic.

I think this has been in the works for some time now, perhaps starting with ambc. I feel I learn a lot in relating to her. I think this approach could serve me well in relating to others too.. especially where there are challenges.

it's difficult not to conceptualize a relationship. just as it is to not conceptualize a human being, & instead to relate to what is presented in the moment without being mired in past formulations. this applies too in relating to self.

not a lot to think about. I suppose it is just a a matter of remembering to practice as the opportunites are presented.

how does one strike balance between remembering, and relating not based on the past, nor on hopes for the future (desire) for that matter?

I am not trying to abolish desire. desire is the thing that moves us forward, pushes the limits of existence. to reject desire is no more relevant than to become lost in it. it is the space between the two that is elusive.

I find that I am filled with desire even when in the moment, I want for nothing. it is like being balanced on an invisible thread, without fear of falling.. only feeling yourself there, suspended, timeless.

sometimes I don't know why I bother to write about these things. I guess there is an impetus for self-expression. that is enough of a reason. maybe no different from the reason we are here. :)