on joy

what can I say? and who am I to say anything? :) eh, never-the-less & not-for-nothing.. here is my current take on joy & dissolution.. enjoy! (haha.. ok, pun intended.)

joy exists not in objects continually pursued,
but in the apprehension of the absence of objects..

where can joy be found? the answer is simple.
joy cannot be found, for it is not lost..

joy patiently attends every moment,
like reflection attending a mirror..
silently & subtly embedded in being,
passing unnoticed without benefit
of contrasting concepts.

camouflaged by inhalations
and exhalations,
and thoughts followed by thoughts,
joy goes unseen
& unpracticed
apparent only after
all else is released or dissolved.

cease
breathing in or out
thinking this or that
roaming here or there
and seeking more joy.

vajra guru mantra

Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ Om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum ~ shanti ~ shanti ~ shantihi.

pearls

i wake up each day with a profound emptiness. it is as if i haven't even the energy to write this. empty words that fill an empty page. wanting nothing and possessing nothing i wander aimlessly. devoid of love or hate with only an occasional disruption of desire or outrage.. and.. a dull feeling that perhaps there should be something more.. not even filled with depression.. perfectly content in one moment, even joyful, then sad or hopeless in the next.. no preferences nor distinguishing features between them.. only endless moments strung together like an ancient, fragile string of pearls.. and even now the string breaks, and the beads fall one by one into the silt below.. and are swallowed into the earth, melted into molten lava, and spat out again thru an oyster-like womb only to be found, and admired, and bored, and strung, and broken, and swallowed, and spat out again.. and again..

belief

i suppose
i would have to believe
in some
words
in order
to use
them

a haunting

I can't help but notice that someone I love is being haunted by death.
and it's not someone u might expect. it is someone very young and thoughtful and funny and bright and talented and beautiful. but death seems to follow him like a shadow.

I don't know if he has noticed it, or what he makes of it in his impressionable young mind. I won't use his name or make any direct reference. it is someone I see only infrequently, maybe a few times a year & even during those times i've noticed on each occasion, if the attention is too focused between us, odd things start to happen. he rides in my car and suddenly the automatic windows stop working and the door jams shut. on a second occasion the driver's side front tire blew and flew off completely! these things happen separated in time & only when he visits.. I don't believe in coincidences so the occurrences struck me as odd, but then I realized how frequently people around him & especially close to him have dropped dead from sudden heart-attacks or brain hemorrhages, or other peculiar sudden natural circumstances.

I do not feel he is in any way to blame, don't get me wrong.. quite the contrary. he often suffers most directly from the losses. it is as if death uses his bright shining hopefulness as bait for life's weary travelers whose time has come. it is tragic & extreme almost to the point of comedy.. I don't know if anyone else has noticed this except me. no one who knows me that well reads this blog, and I dare not share this little insight.

I am sometimes given to.. I don't know what to call it.. I will use the word premonition for lack of a better word.. but I think in this case the better word is insight, and I know what I see goes beyond what people call coincidence without giving away too much detail..

*sigh* what does one do when someone you love dearly is being haunted by death? ha! the answer is nothing.. but continue to love him. it is not as if the boy's dark spectre of a friend can be shaken off by any of us.. but I am not too keen on riding him around in my car any more than necessary. :)

beyond boundaries..

so today arising after very little sleep, I began contemplating anahata nada & sanatana dharma, my favorite subjects. :)

interesting how in my life I happened upon, and was drawn to these principles.. I don't even know when it began. seems they have always been there, but the blessing of sanskrit has given them a name.. giving form to the formless..

anahata nada is soundless (or unstruck) sound.. the sound of the silence from which all sounds (forms) arise..

sanatana dharma is the eternal supporting principle of existence, or literally, eternal supporting mother (natural law).. it is often used in reference to hinduism and indeed hinduism falls into that definition, but sanatana dharma is even more inclusive than what is generally thought of as hinduism..

it is this very inclusiveness that make these principles so beautiful. to me they represent that from which everything emerges, that in which everything exists, and that to which all things return..

when, for brief moments, one allows one'e ego (attachment to form) to dissolve, these principles represent what remains..

it is blissful to return & return again to this boundless state before reincarnating into this thought-form, or that one. that is the dance of life from formlessness into form, and the music that plays is anahata nada..

so many people seem to think that one state is preferable over another. constantly chasing eternal bliss, one never catches it. we believe that formlessness is better than form, or vice-versa.. and it is the impossible moment between the two, the dance itself where joy abounds.

impermanence

so I woke up today thinking about impermanence.. and this put in my mind images evoked by a friend's mention of the aghories who frequent cremation grounds in india. I happened upon a couple of videos documenting the aghories incorporating human remains into their worship rituals..


I thought about the stark contrast of this open embrace of impermanence as compared with western culture's denial of death and the impermanent nature of all forms. In the west, death is mostly hidden from view, but in the world of the aghories it is accepted and incorporated into life.. even to the point of sometimes consuming the bodies of the dead, or adorning yourself with their remains. I suppose the closest we get in the west to an acknowledgement of impermanence is the mass bombardment of CSI-type tv dramas.

Not to romanticize this infatuation with holiness anymore than to glorify an infatuation with worldliness. both represent attachment of the ego to some ideal. both exist in time. any path that is separate from its destination may be just another obstacle to the always immediate realization truth.

At some point there is no desire to overcome fears nor habits; no desire for trinkets, nor to distinguish oneself with costume, nor colors, nor letters, nor words.. no desire to go beyond the present moment, nor to dwell within it.

I don't know what is the point of writing this other than perhaps to say I find the aghories comforting in that they provide a kind of counter-balance to the vast materialism that consumes us much the same as the aghories consume the bodies of the dead. perhaps oddly, i'm not offended by their consumption. I suppose in this world where I am still frustrated by desire, it's comforting to know that eventually, I & everything I covet will disintegrate into dust & fly away on the wind.